|Are you sick of
the traditional pets?|
Dogs, bark and bite, foul sidewalks, scare people and need walking
Cats have conditional love, are bossy and demanding.
Birds squawk, need caring and are noisy
Are you sick of mowing your lawn,
Drinking processed anemic milk
Do you want to be the envy of your neighbors?
Do you want a pet that will not harm small children?
Then try a house cow.
House cows have wonderful qualities, such as:
House cows make the ideal pet. Get one today!
The original reason for promoting house cows. |
Recently new people have moved into the house at the end of our nice quiet street. They have obviously purchased it, have built a nice fence and seem to be a pair of Dinkies (double income no kids) but they possess something worse than kids. These nice people own dogs. Two in fact, I don't know what sort, as they seem to live perpetually behind their fence, but they make their presence known in other ways.
Every time I walk past their fence these dogs let loose with a barking frenzy that makes them sound like they are being murdered. It is just not on, why the hell should I have to put up with it? If the gate were open I would probably have to fight them off. As someone who likes dogs, but not in the city, people who keep dogs in the city are equivalent to people who run noisy polluting cars and have loud stereos disturbing the neighbors.
Any semi cogniscent person can go and get a dog, not train it and have a shitting, barking, biting, menace. What extra right do dogs or their owners have in a city that allows them to commit noise and faecies pollution?
If I kept a cow and allowed it to shit on the neighbors lawn, or a loud proximity alarm that went off when people walked pass my property then I would have that shut down pretty quick. My quiet, clean, non-abusive TREES are not allowed to overhang the footpath, why do dogs and their owners get away with it?
I was reminded of my ‘dog in the city’ dislike when reading a Bill Bryson book, he opinioned that:
Every dog in the world should be placed in a sack and taken to a distant island, where they could romp, bark, and sniff their rears in peace. All, he said, except for poodles, they should be shot on sight.
I would add to his list of poodles, small yappy dogs that because of their inferiority complex go out of their way to annoy you.
Bill went on to say that he didn't like most animals, about goldfish he noted that:
Their whole existence seems to be a kind of reproach. 'What is it all about?' they seem to be saying. 'I swim here, I swim there. What for?' I can't even look at a goldfish for more than ten seconds without feeling like killing myself, or at least reading a French novel.
In his mind the only possible pet is a cow:
Cows love you. They are harmless, they look nice, they don't need a box to crap in, they keep the grass down and they are so trusting and stupid that you cannot but lose your heart to them. They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friend forever. And when get tired of them, you can kill them and eat them. Perfect.
Indeed it is perfect, we need to start a 'Cows for the city' movement, mobilize people to get cows as pets. Find a dog owner and let your cow shit on their lawn.